Tanmay is playing with a group of friends at the community park in his neighbourhood. He has a deadline given by his parents to return home by 7 pm. He needs to complete his pending homework and also spend time reviewing his physics project submission, which is due the next day. It’s nearly 7 pm and a student from a senior grade of his school enters the park along with his friends. This senior student, who is Tanmay’s acquaintance, invites Tanmay to his house to play on the newly launched version of his favourite game. Tempted and excited to experience the new version of the game, Tanmay agrees to go, voluntarily disregarding and disobeying the deadline given by his parents. He terribly fears missing out on the excitement and suffers anxiety of losing this opportunity.
Rahul is an avid user of smartphones and frequently visits social media sites such as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. He reaches out to these sites to share his everyday experiences, touch base with friends and family, follow his favorite celebrities, celebrate milestones, and connect with communities with similar interests and passion. He recently noticed that two of his very close friends have got similar tattoos done and posted their pictures on social media. This post of his friends with a tattoo picture received a thunderous number of likes and comments, claiming it to be ‘very cool’, trendy and stylish. A comment thread also pulled his name asking to get a similar tattoo done as an indication of belonging to the same group of friends. Influenced by this flooded response and overwhelming attention, Rahul is now under pressure from his peers and quite convinced, though he knows that his parents have a traditional mind-set and will not appreciate getting a tattoo done. Rahul fears losing his friendship and missing out on the sense of belonging to his group of friends.
What do these two scenarios tell us?
Peer Pressure? FOMO?
Yes, you are right!
The growing influence of social networking has been overwhelming for many Young adults as they consider it an important way to fulfil their social needs. Social networks are important as they give you an opportunity to connect with like-minded people, provide a sense of safety and belongingness, engage in information exchange that can be helpful for career developments, etc. Though social interactions, relationships, and engagements, lead to a healthy and fun-filled social life, the overdependence on social networks can produce some potentially harmful outcomes. One such detrimental outcome prevalent among youth is FOMO – fear of missing out. “I don’t want to miss out on a thing”! – is a common thought that strikes teenagers when they see others having a rewarding or exciting experience. This type of influence or pressure from peers or members is widespread among social groups with similar interests.
Indeed, FOMO and peer-related stress cause a sense of dissatisfaction leading to social anxiety, depression, loneliness, and reduced self-esteem. Peer pressure can emerge in numerous situations, such as getting better grades than your friends, bullying others, skipping school, dressing or acting a certain way, or buying new gadgets, etc. When peer pressure is positive, it encourages you to do better. This is indeed appreciative and motivates us to change our old habits or ways of doing things, for our betterment. It is, however, the negative peer pressure that should be handled in a sensitive way.
Here are some strategies that can help to deal with FOMO and manage peer pressure.
Understand yourself
Be practical and make a rational opinion about yourself in terms of dealing with peer pressure. Try to understand your own emotions “how am I feeling about this?”, “Am I doing anything wrong?”, “Do I want to do this?”. Whether your answer is ‘yes’ or ‘no’, you must ask yourself ‘why’ and find a strong reason to approve your decision.
Identify people and situations that make you uncomfortable or cause stress
If you try to develop a deeper understanding of your environment, you will identify people or situations that make you feel confused, pressured, or tempted to act against your willingness or judgement. You can then try to avoid any encounter with them and maintain your calm.
Establish your boundaries and stay firm
Though avoidance may not be an option to avail in every situation, it is thus advisable to establish your own limits and boundaries in your actions and decisions. Try not to get influenced or pressurised by people or situations, by staying firm and committed to your established boundaries. You can try the ‘delay tactic’ as your response and politely reply, “Can I get back to you later?” or “Can we discuss this later?”.
Learn to say ‘no’ unapologetically
When you can’t avoid people or situations, be practical and say ‘no’ or ‘no, thanks’ without any explanation or needing any apology. It may be difficult or sound blunt to say ‘no’ to your peers and friends; however, you can make it easier by practising with your parents and teachers or anyone who can empathize with you and can understand your feelings. Later, when such situations arise, you will be more confident and your response will come swiftly.
Identify alternatives
If you feel it is difficult to say ‘no’, try a trick of identifying alternative options or choices and divert the attention of your fellow peers as well. Choose an alternate activity that would be liked by most members in the group and will distract the group from the potentially harmful choice as well as behaviour. For example, you can choose options such as “let’s go to a park or to a movie”.
Understand consequences
It is important to understand the consequences of peer pressure and adopting unwanted behaviours and choices. You need to think rationally or seek advice from your well-wishers such as teachers, parents, or elder siblings, who know you well. In most cases, the consequences of negative peer pressure are dreadful and detrimental. In the spur of the moment, the choices may appear exciting and welcoming, but they may produce harmful outcomes in the long run.
Choose your friends wisely
It is important to identify like-minded individuals and respect your decisions, instead of pressuring you to adopt inappropriate behaviours. When you choose friends, ensure that they have good values. At the same time, you must understand that you are not bound or liable to please everyone. Thus, be selective and wise while choosing your friends.
Establish your network of well-wishers
It is always helpful to take advice from any trusted adult, such as your parents, teachers, elder siblings, trusted family members or extended family friends, mentors, or counsellors, and share your feelings and emotions regarding FOMO and peer pressure. Their opinion and guidance are usually unbiased as it is based on their success experience outside the peer group.
Take a break from social networking sites
Staying offline can help you breathe in your space and observe more about yourself, instead of noticing others and their lives. Take charge of your life and identify your likings rather than falling prey by adopting the choice of others. Try attempting new activities or routines and discover your strengths.
Use of technology – software and apps
There are numerous software and apps that help track the amount of time spent on social networking sites and set limits. They also analyse social media behaviour and help alert in case of any deviations from established time limits. It is advisable to use such alternatives and avoid unwanted distractions. Some such apps are Forest for iOS, Space for Android, RescueTime for Windows, or SelfControl for Mac.
FOMO and the resulting peer pressure are a dominant force in the lives of youths today. It can impact positively as well as negatively and requires our strong sensibilities to deal with it. Activities that may cause FOMO or pressurise an individual vary among different social groups and across different types of interests. But the strategies discussed above can help youth to accentuate the positives in peer relations and mitigate the negative influences. With these aforementioned strategies, peer pressure can be a manageable force for youth and help them to enjoy peer relationships.